Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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