Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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