were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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