i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
