This girl is more easily done than said...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
