Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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