thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
