WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
