Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
