how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
