this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
