Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
