better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
