The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
