I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
