I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's always time for handjobs
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
