I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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