i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
