Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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