My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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