90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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