not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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