he thought i was a dude.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
