I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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