she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
