Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
