he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
