DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
