youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
