Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
