Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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