I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
