I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
