is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
