I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
