This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
