please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
