Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
