i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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