Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
