lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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