Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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