Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
