whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
