Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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