You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
