I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
