OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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