yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
