I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
