I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
